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Writer's Block: Romance!

What's the most romantic thing you have done for someone?

Two million words of love letters, I think. Online. Before we met.

That relationship helped me understand that I am not a romantic. I thought I was a romantic. I was just lonely.
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( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 19th, 2008 11:14 pm (UTC)
That relationship helped us understand a lot of things about ourselves.
Aug. 19th, 2008 11:38 pm (UTC)
True. I don't regret it, the good parts are still sweet in memory and I am so glad that you're still a true friend. I'm also happy that you did find love with someone who's more compatible. I had some weird ideas about romance and they look different in perspective. That's something that will affect how I court my next lover, and it'll be easier on both of us when I do.

Edited at 2008-08-19 11:40 pm (UTC)
Aug. 20th, 2008 06:22 am (UTC)
Romance 101
Maybe I should have told him that. I didn't walk out of his life abruptly, I just... slowly pulls myself out of his life. In a way, you're right, I should have told him why because... there were times when he would look very miserable that I wanted to go to him and pat him, you know? But I couldn't because I know part of the reason he was miserable was me.
Back then, I had low self-esteem. I couldn't see what he saw in me, and many others said it too. Ah, why am I such a crowd-pleaser? :)
Anyway, thanks! I guess I realised my mistake a bit... Just thank God he's happy now. :) Keep in touch!
Aug. 21st, 2008 01:22 am (UTC)
Re: Romance 101
The obvious conclusion from HIS side of it would be that you had a low opinion of HIM. That he wasn't interesting enough to capture your attention. I'm glad he's happy now and that it worked out, and that you got over it.

It's more if this happens again, remember that's not going to be obvious to your partner -- and it will read more like "You suck" than "I think I'm not good enough for you." They're his feelings. Things you are ashamed of, he may disagree on completely.

It's too easy in this culture to be a crowd-pleaser, and it is a path to self destruction. No matter who you are, someone hates you for your religion, your skin color, your gender, your personality, your economic class and something you have that they don't. Or something you don't have that they want to lord it over you with whether you care about it or not. Don't mistake other people's opinions for your own.

They're not you and do not have your best interests at heart. They have theirs. Some are sadistic and just take advantage of crowd-pleasers, enjoy making them jump, enjoy hurting people as a game. The well-meaning are worse, because they passionately think they're doing it for your own good and so they'll roll over you like a juggernaut believing their priorities are more important than yours and you couldn't possibly know what's good for you.

One of the best ways to prepare for a good relationship is to get to know yourself. Decide who you are. Find out who that is when there's no one around. Write down a list of the things you like about yourself. Anything from tiny stuff like "I enjoy organizing my stuff" to major strengths, your best classes, your occupational goals, your best features, your likes and dislikes. Having taste is being real -- liking the things you do. If you wear only clothes you like and do only activities you enjoy, then you become a trend setter because a lot of crowd pleasers see you having fun and think it must be cool.

So please yourself in life and it's easier to attract other people who are strong enough in themselves to be cool with "you be you and I'll be me." That's about where I'm at in life. If a lover doesn't take me as I am, then why are they saying they love me? Doesn't it show that they're just looking for someone to play out their fantasy if they insist on trying to change me?
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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Robert A. Sloan, author of Raven Dance

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